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rezuke
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Name: Dean
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Bethlehem
Birthday: 7/8/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Anime, t3h Interweb, learning japanese, video games, hanging out with my friends, philosophy, Evangelion, Naruto, One Piece.
Expertise: Rigging enemy bases with explosives, turning babies into gold, and world domination.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/26/2004
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| Well school is beginning to wind down for me. Next week I have two midterms to look forward to. HURRAY! Aside from that I have less than a month of classes left and then I have finals. Time sure has flown by that's for sure. I mean it feels like September and October were a blur, and no that's not because I spent those months binge drinking. It's just hard to believe that soon Christmas break will be here soon and that means plenty of time back home with friends, family, and of course Liz. I'm hoping it will snow soon because of how cold it has gotten and now that most of the leaves have fallen from the trees I want it to snow. That's all that I feel like writing right now. Don't know when, or if, I'll write anything else anytime soon.
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| Lately I've been feeling as if I'm just not adjusting to life down here in Lancaster. I've been down here for practically two months now and it seems like I've hardly made any new friends like I had hoped. I guess it feels like I'm trapped between two worlds. Like I can't move forward and really adapt to being down here and away from home. I fear that I have become more reclusive and antisocial while I'm down here at school. When I come home and I'm with Liz that all changes, but down here I just find myself not interested in socializing. Maybe I'm afraid of letting go of all the people back home, especially Liz. I worried that if I get involved more with school and the people here that the people I care about already will fade away from my life. It's just very difficult trying to decide what's more important, on the one hand I want to stay close to my old friends and Liz, on the other I want to make friends down here and be more social. Maybe I just know how to balance these things but I've always been the kind of person who has a only a few close friends and that's it. I've always preferred having one or two good friends I could rely on as opposed to a bunch of people who hardly mean shit to me.
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| You know it's very difficult coming back home after being away from college. It's just so hard managing my time because there's always so much to do and so little time. I know that there are a few people who want to see me and it's not easy to see all of them during the weekend. I feel that there are some people who need to see me wore than others and with good reason. I know that when I come home I need to spend a little time with my family. Even if I only manage to sit down at dinner with them it's still important that I set some time aside for them. Not only that but I also have to make sure I hang out with my brother a bit since he never leaves the house and I'm really one of the few people who really understand him and can look out for him. Of course I know that Liz needs to see me since it's really hard for her to deal with me being so far away. I just hate thinking about how badly she must miss me while I'm away and I try to stay in touch with her but I know a phone call is just not the same. Along with that my best friend Scott wants to see me too and I do enjoy seeing him. I just feel a lot of pressure to see more people than time will allow. I'm worried about leaving anybody out since I know people like my brother and Liz depend on me and I really try to look out for them. I know Scott doesn't depend on my support as much now that he has Jess but I still want to see him. Just because I'm away doesn't give me an excuse to neglect our friendship either. However when seems like everyone wants to see me, how do I fit in everyone? I don't want to run myself ragged either trying to fit in every little thing that I could do either. I suppose that I should just take it easy when I come up to visit for a weekend. However soon enough I'll have fall break and that will give me more time to do things when I come back home.
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| Sometimes I feel like my mind is my worst enemy. It's always looking for answers and I know it will never allow me to be content. I just don't know what to think or believe anymore. I have no faith in anything anymore and I'm wondering if that's how it will always be. I had faith in science but even I have begun to question how far that can take us. I know science tries to help people and find the answers but sometimes it seems it only creates more questions than answers. This whole world seems soo complex that it makes me wonder sometimes just how complex it is. Even though I may not have faith in my life I refuse to consider myself an atheist, for in my opinion even that requires a certain level of faith. The belief in no God requires the same amount of faith as the belief in God, that's just my opinion. Where this will lead me, I don't know. Will things change, I cannot say. I doubt I'll find the answers I want but I suppose nobody ever really does.
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| My roommates suck because they are impressed by the fact that I drink Jose Cuervo straight, like a real man should. That's the way you're supposed to drink it. Forget that all that bullshit with the lime and salt, that's for pansies.
Recent events have caused me to reconsider my drinking habits. I know I haven't done much drinking but I realize that I have to be more careful with alcohol just for the fact that the last time I got drunk did not end well. It's not the end of my drinking but I may have to distance myself from it a little more.
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